thetifftiff

My hands were going numb yesterday, my mom says my hands were as cold as a dead person's, and my temperature was 96 (which isn't too bad for me, my average is usually more 96.8-97.2). I keep going between hot and cold. I hope this clears up by tomorrow, I don't want to have to go out if I'm going to keep feeling like this.

I am back from internet vacation. Apparently a few people missed me and I left so suddenly. I needed a break so I disappeared for a few days. Better now though. P:

I kept a secret for over four months, now I can't shut up about it. It's good to get it out of my system though. <3

This is the second day in a row I can honestly say to myself that I'm not in love with Harry and I love that freedom. My heart is finally letting me move on and I'm happy because it stops me from scaring off a good friend because I am no longer attached to him like that.

I have other things on my mind now too. <3

So I got this comment on dA and I am so very confused. I want to know who it was now and I honestly have no ideas.

01. Name:
02. Birthday:
03. Where do you live:
04: What are you studying/What are you working as:
05. What makes you happy:
06. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
07. What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
08. An interesting fact about you:
09. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. Favorite place to be:
11. Favorite lyric:
12. Best time of the year:
13. Weirdest food you like:

RECOMMEND
01. A film:
02. A book:
03. A song:
04: A band:

PLUS
01. One thing you like about me:
02. Two things you like about yourself:
03. Put this in your lj so I can tell you what I think of you?

I've lived by the ocean my whole life, I've gotten kind of used to it so I guess between the two I'd pick that. Not to mention I'm prone to getting dizzy, even more so lately, so I think a higher altitude might be a bad idea.

Because I'm hated.

It was locked before I could respond but it's so nice because I despise him too. C:

During a brief awake period yesterday I actually did something I was starting to think I'd never be able to do, I erased all the text messages on my phone. Every other time I had tried I started crying but this time I was only slightly shaky. Every message on my phone was to or from Rich so it was an important step for me emotionally even if it seems silly, it took me two and a half months to get rid of those messages.

There's very little holding me to him emotionally now, I thought it would take a lot longer. Maybe the supposed love of my life and I didn't have as much of a bond as I thought, maybe it's just a lot of not thinking about him that's doing me good, maybe it's something else entirely. We'll see how I feel next time he signs into MSN or dA (not like he talks to me when he does either).

Speaking of dA I sent him a note about his avatar and his signature. His avatar was part of an art trade between blauerauss and myself and his signature (a line from Comin' Home by City and Colour) was put there do to the feelings he may or may not have really had for me. It doesn't bother me as much as it did when I wrote the note but I am still tempted to ask blauer if she can report the avatar if he doesn't take it down soon as silly as that may seem.

There's no word that describes it better than girly... except maybe giddy. I can't really explain why I feel like this, I suppose I could try but it'd sound silly and I'm too shy to own up to any e-crushes I haven't unless the person in question asks about it.

Anyway I'm feeling much better now than I did yesterday, hopefully this will keep up because I love this feeling.

It's funny how certain things can really change your mood. When I signed in online I was alerted to updates in internet drama and while I normally would have gotten excited for more drama (being the edrama whore I not so secretly am) but it's boring me, I feel like I have better things to think about.

Rich is finally starting not to matter to me, he still does a bit but I'm finally capable of seeing my life without him. It's hard to move past having someone as your lover and best friend for two years but as much as I miss him I'm ok with his being more or less out of my life. It's taken a lot of energy for me to get this point but I'm glad I'm finally starting to see some light.

I'm working on fixing where I am, little baby steps are being taken. My moods are definitely improving but there are still things I can't bring myself to watch, listen to or eat because they remind me of Rich. I can't wait until I'm 100% past this but I've accepted that trying to rush it only makes things worse.

I think I might use lj more lately, though that will require me better understanding it. dA's been pissing me off for various reasons, including the ones some of you already know. Though there are some things keeping me there right now.

I'm going to try to drag myself out for a walk tomorrow, I have some bills to pay and other things to deal with. The air and moving about should be good for me.